Content

Content.

Read that word again.

Do it. Look up, and read it again.

How did you pronounce it?  What meaning does it hold for you right now, in this moment?  Content or content?

Interesting, eh? How those words are the same, yet, not.

Question: Are you content with the contents of your life, right now?

Hmm.  I dream a lot.  I don't mean daydream of things to be or what I want/wish for, I mean I dream, a lot.  Most of the time it's foolish nonsense like oodles of sawdust coming out of my mouth, flying frogs living in the tree house, or how I've become a world-renown baker because of my amazing chocolate cake.

But lately, I've been dreaming about other places.  Places I've been before - Asia, Haiti, Tour.  I'm talking obscene amounts of dreams about other places.  I regularly wake up wondering where I am - not an uncommon thing for me, since on tour I rarely knew where I was at any given moment of the day, let alone when I woke up.  But these dreams are so real, I feel so much like I'm in this other place... and when I realize I'm just at home I find myself disappointed.  Then I ask myself,

"Am I content?"

Truthfully, I don't even know.

Four nights ago I dreamt I was in Asia.  Once again visiting Missy & Carly, taking part in their daily tasks, joining in on the ministry and loving every second I got to participate in the work that they are doing.  We walked through the burned out section of town, talked with a few locals, I went to Russian with Carly, and went to another M's house for church.  When I woke up, I was lonely.

Three nights ago I dreamt that I was on tour again.  I was with our beautiful children of ACC 35, geared up for a concert in Colorado.  Together we had devotions, freaked out because one of the costume bags was missing (which wasn't uncommon in real life), and I made a concert order with Uncle Tony.  We then walked in our two concert lines to the sanctuary where hundreds of people had gathered to enjoy the beauty that is Choir 35.  When I woke up I cried - because it wasn't real.

Two nights ago I dreamt that the compound in Haiti where I lived was trying to integrate itself more into the town around it, and so they were selling the missionary houses, opening up the gates all the time, and putting in another community garden.  I had gone down with Missy to purchase the house I had lived in before, so that I could join in on the projects.  I walked around the house and found myself thinking back on the days when I called that place home - and was so peaceful knowing that I'd call it home again.  When I woke up I was sad.  What a lame adjective - but for the truth.  I was so sad.  I want to be there again.

Often I look around at the people here and I wonder how they don't get bored.  People that have done the same thing every day for years.  Even my dad just celebrated his 25th year at his work.  It's incredible - really, that doesn't happen very often.  But I can't imagine.  It's just not for me.

With all the struggles I endured in Haiti (you won't find them here, but ask me if you like) I thought I learned a piece of what it meant to be content.  In my own words:

It's times like these when the verse, "Be still and know that I am God" are what you need to hear the most, but want to hear the least. One of the biggest lessons I learned during my six months in Haiti was to be content. Content with what I'm doing, with what I'm not doing, with where I am, with where I am not. I spent a lot of time in my house while I lived in on that island: and was it in vain? Certainly not. God taught me more in those early morning hours, as the sun peeked through the palm trees behind my house and into my living room where I sat and read my Bible with a lovely cup of coffee. The warm Caribbean sun in its orange glowing beauty poking through the slats in my windows; God beginning yet another day with his warm breath gently blowing my curtains, whispering to me, "I have a plan... just you wait."

Pfft.  It's awfully poetic as I read it now, but honestly.  I'm not done learning that lesson, and I probably won't ever be.  I do know, however, that I'm more "content" when I'm overseas.  Missy has often said, "If I lived in the states, I'd be miserable." It's not what she's made for.  Built for.  She thrives, and I mean THRIVES when she's overseas.  Asia. Where she is now.  Thrives.  That's not to extinguish a desire to be "home" - with family, friends, in a "world" where people speak your language, you can buy fruits and veggies at the store even when they aren't in season, and where you can worship freely.  But it's just not where God has called her to be.  No sense pulling a Jonah and spending three days in a whale.  Gross.

I'm finding myself more and more realizing that desire and calling God has placed on me to be overseas.  And I know that it's not time to go yet.  And that, my friends, is paining me.  I'm struggling to be content in a place I don't ultimately want to be.  I'm learning how to be content in the waiting.

Content with the contents of life, right here, right now.


"Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord..." 

Asia with Missy:

 ACC 35

 Haiti, with my Advanced English Class

You know if you...

... live in NY when there are only two seasons: winter & road construction.

You hate those lists too, eh?  They drive me crazy.  Mostly because they all list the same things, but are about a different thing.  Winter & road construction: True of just about any location north of 38º?  Exactly.

However, in my re-entry, I've thought, "I'm clazy.  Nobody here understands."

So I'm pulling the hypocrite card here and making my own, "You know if you've traveled with the ACC if..." list.  For us Aunties & Uncles out there, you know what it's like.  Now is when you nod in agreement.

Ready?  Alright.

You know if you've traveled with the ACC if:
1.  Long calls and short calls have nothing to do with the phone.
2.  "Countdown!" may be any assemblage of numbers 1-23, give or take a few, on any given day.
3.  You went to Vegas with your own poker chips, except you're cool, so you call them tokens.  You even signed them yourself - and they were used, and they were worth something.
4.  You start many sentences with the word "Even."
5.  "Bag checks" are not verbs, they are nouns. Running, skipping, singing, dancing, lovely wonderful nouns.
6.  You have shaken your cabina in praise to the Lord.
7.  You know what a cabina is.
8.  When you are asked, "Auntier may you pray with me?" you go find a game.
9.  You don't go shopping for khakis, you go shopping for travel pants.
10.  You can hold your susu for exactly two hours, as scheduled.
11.  You have slept in a luxurious bed, on a leaky air-mattress, a couch, a cot, a bus seat, a pew, & the floor, in one week.
12.  You have sung and danced to the same songs every day & night for 16 months straight, and you still love them, somehow.
13.  You were completely lost the first week you went without a minute-by-minute schedule handed to you on Monday.
14.  You had 23 children at age 23.
15.  You want to go to Africa.  Every day. Want to go to Africa.  Want to go... to Africa...
16.  Your current "address" has been two simple characters: V1, V2, V3, or V4.
17.  When asked, "Where are you?" the only answer you can give with confidence is "V1," "V2," "V3," or "V4."  And if you've recently switched, sometimes even that you don't know.
18.  You have translated English to... English.
19.  You have been greeted in the morning by dozens of warm, joyful hugs and asked, "Are you fine?"
20.  You were blessed, challenged, and loved, daily, by a beautiful group of little African children - and they meant, and mean, the world to you.

Yes?

cause for celebration

This life is temporary.

What's that? You knew? You mean, you were previously aware that the fountain of youth doesn't truly exist?

Well, phew. Glad you're in the loop.

So then, death. How's that one go? Permanent, you say? (Insert loud, annoying buzzer to indicate that you are wrong. No money for you, no prize, Vana isn't going to wave her dainty manicured hands in front of a new RV that is soon to be yours.)

Media, phone calls, Facebook statuses, you name it. It hasn't been twenty-four hours yet, and the world is talking about the death of one man. When was the last time that happened? Hopefully you say, "Last weekend!" But for the truth. Probably not since Saddam was killed on December 30, 2006 (and yes, that is my birthday). I hear tell of people in New York dancing in the streets, newspapers claiming victory, a time of celebration.

I must ask though, what events must occur for your celebration meter hit a high ten? When someone diagnosed with cancer is healed, is the meter going up? When you get a new car, are the numbers high? When your friends get married, dial pointing to the right? When one starving child receives food to sustain them, is it a ten? Chances are, no. You may think yes - and go ahead. Argue with me. Sure. Do it. But you know the truth. Because those things, like it or not, are not permanent. You know it's possible when someone is declared cancer free, that it may come back. Your new car isn't going to last forever. You know that the divorce rate is higher than ever. You know that a starving child who receives food will likely be hungry again. Your meter is probably higher than normal, but I'm guessing only an eight or nine. Those things aren't always permanent, and you know it.

But death.

Surely, that's it. The Osama Bin Laden problem is solved simply because he is dead. Over. Fini. The End.

Was evil defeated? Was justice served? Why yes, yes it was. Two-thousand years ago.

Now, I'm at a high ten.

Bin Laden wreaked havoc on our country, our people, our families, and now he is dead. Are we so confident to celebrate, thinking that another will not rise in his absence? Last night a man faced judgement greater than any other. Heaven? Hell? You don't know. You cannot deny that Osama Bin Laden may be in heaven right now. You don't know what happened in those last hours, minutes, even seconds before his death. Jesus uses dreams and visions in the Islamic world in powerful ways, often called hallucinations over here in the West. We can be so pathetically scientific.

And if he is in Hell, dare we celebrate at the face of a man now suffering eternal damnation? Sick.

Is it possible to pray for the soul of a man to be saved - quickly - before the troops we're also praying for shoot him dead? Was Jesus kidding when he said, "Love your enemies, and pray for those that persecute you"? Did Solomon have a momentary lapse in wisdom when he wrote, "Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles"? (Luke 6:27, Proverbs 24:17) I agree with the criminal justice system. I believe it is God's place to judge. I believe justice must be served. I believe forgiveness is required. I believe there is a time for peace and a time for war.

This, friends, is not the end. For us, for them, for him.

So will I celebrate?

Christ defeated death. Through him there is eternal life in Heaven.

How about we celebrate that.